She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
