i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
