now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
