did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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