You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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