Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The adults are the big ones right?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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