mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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