After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
