i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
