Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
