Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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