i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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