I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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