i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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