Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
