quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
