Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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