Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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