She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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