Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
