I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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