i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
