don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
