I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
