I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
