Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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