you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
