is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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