I heard we made out
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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