I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
