And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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