I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
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I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
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I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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