And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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