Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
