Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
