What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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