I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
