My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
