I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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