Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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