I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
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Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
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If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Congratulations! We have a period
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