watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
