Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
