Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
