He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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