Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
