Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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