Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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