She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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