so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We need to get me chipped asap
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize