We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I deserve this hangover.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
