he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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