Kiss
Puke
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
