I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
