She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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