Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
