so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
