idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I cannot find my penis.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize