Have you finally orgasmed yet?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
