If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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