Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
