The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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