with your own penis?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
