I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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