i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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