They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
