There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
