I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
