He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
