yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
