I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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