You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i dont even know how to be here
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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