My underwear smells like fireworks.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
