The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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