Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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