He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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